NEWS FLASH

911 in South Korea is 119.

That is all.

Seoul Grand Park

went to the zoo today, and it goes a little something like this:














fucking great day.

in other news...

Some (drunkkk) old Korean man looked at me and said, "get the fuck out of this noraebang, and get the fuck out of this country" to me. It was in Korean, so I don't know if that made it more or less threatening.

He pushed me, I asked him if he was sad, and the owner of the place called the police THE END!

Recovery Day

Hate to bore you with a recap post... but I'm gonna.

I feel like I've been running a marathon for the past 24 hours. But it was worth it. It was the type of Saturday night/Sunday morning you can't replicate in the USA. Let me give you the play-by-play:

-Mahya, Iwona and I met Erik at 7:30pm in Sinchon (not to be confused with Sincheon or Sinchang or Sinchon-dong!) for an English-speaking meet 'n greet at the Double Double Pub. 15,000 won, and all-you-can-drink beer. The place got packed pretty quickly, and the general mood of the place was "OMG you speak English? Me too! Gimme your phone number and we'll get drinks sometime!" I collected like six numbers from various individiuals. I definitely plan on hanging out with John and Fernando; they were a couple of moderately awesome Korean dudes.

-Iwona and I left mid-party at 9pm to get some real dinner. We found a Dwejji Galbi (marinated pork barbecue, ridiculously nom nom) restaurant that was 2,500 won a person! Tasted great, and an incredible price. Definitely going back.

-I invited my old co-worker Bryston to the meet 'n greet. He comes at 10pm with his friend Eric. They'll stick with us all night. I've really missed that guy, and I'm grateful to have him back in my life. Is that gay? Probably.

-The Sinchon party ends, and the 8 of us --including some new friends we met at the party-- cab it over 5 minutes to Hongdae. Laura Ann subways up from Anyang and meets us there. Hongdae is the university area where I spend most of my weekend time. You'll hear plenty about Hongdae from me in the coming months. Clubs and restaurants everywhere, and a good portion of the people there don't suck. Here's where it gets blurry...

11:45 - Club 500 - Trance club designed like an adobe kiva. Their "nachos" were tortilla chips with Kraft American Singles torn into pieces on them. Not even melted. Drinks be spensive!

12:45 - Ska 2 - Sucked. Ska 1 is better.

12:50 - Club Voldemort - it used to have a name when I was here a couple years ago, but now it's a new club without any signs. It's underground, small and intimate. Cheap drinks and good dance music. Henceforth I call it Club Voldemort, the club which shall not be named.

2:00 - Club Oi - Kind of like Club 500, but designed like an igloo and they were playing crappy salsa music.

3:00 - GoGo's - the bar above FF; plays great music but it's crowded and has a high concentration of dipshits and drunkasses.

4:30 - Club FF - The place I usually end up, and the place where I'm trying to get some DJ work. It's not quite as cool as it used to be in 2007, but it's still my favorite, especially after 1:00 when it's dancey time. Eddie picks good music when he DJs.

6:00 - Go outside to see the sun is up, get a chicken kebab from a couple of Pakistanis, and I talk to them about the son of Benazir Bhutto. They say he isn't ready, and they're loyal to Sharif. I'd say they're fucking retarded, but they're the Pakistanis and I'm not, so I guess they know more than me. Nevertheless, they were impressed with my drunken knowledge of international politics.

6:30 - The subway is finally open again! Much better to stay out til 6:30am and take the subway for 1,200 won instead of dropping 30,000 won on a long cab ride. So we start the trek to the subway station. At this point, we've lost our friends one by one along the way. It's down to me, Iwona, Laura Ann, and her new friend Albert. Albert's cool. And Mexican. After a few drunk piggyback races down the barren, littered streets of Hongdae, we lose Albert and Laura Ann, too. Iwona and I decide we're hungry, and I know a good brunch place in Itaewon. We grab a cab there, only to find it doesn't open til 9am. We're already there, so why not wait? Little did we realize how long a three-hour wait would be. We found a dirty stairwell and sat down. Thirty seconds later I'm passed out asleep.

8:00am - I woke up on the stairs an hour and a half later. Still another hour til breakfast opens. I was in pretty rough shape. Fuck this noise, let's go home.

9:00am - Fell asleep again on the subway. I had to be poked awake by some Korean strangers when the train hit its last stop. Finally home, I stumble out of the Indeogwon subway station. I don't remember going to bed, but I wake up at 3pm in my clothes and shoes. Leftover pizza and the latest episode of Lost, these were my only accomplishments today.

I certainly won't be doing this type of thing on a regular basis. I doubt I'll even go up to Seoul next weekend. I can't afford it and my body can't handle that abuse. But every once in a while, it's nice to go out in a big way. Snoop Dogg partied til 6 in the mornin', why can't I?

Korean Shit #1: 노래방/Noraebang

I'm starting a series of installments entitled "Korean Shit". It's for people who have no connection whatsoever to the Korean culture or country. Basically I'll show you all the ridiculous/awesome/unique/disgusting/incredible things you can find in no other place but Seoul.

For those of you who aren't familiar with 노래방/Noraebang, I feel as though I should explain it. Because I'm going to write about it. A lot.

It's like karaoke, but don't call it that. "Karaoke" is a Japanese word, and Koreans hate their eastern neighbors. Besides, karaoke is what you do on a stage in front of strangers. But even that is called "Norae Bar" and not "Karaoke" in South Korea.

In Korean, 노래(norae) is "sing", and 방(bang) is "room".

Take your typical karaoke setup, and shove it in a private room with couches, a coffee table, some ashtrays and a couple of tambourines. Rotating disco lights come standard. You can order beer, juice, tea, soda and water. They don't sell soju, but you always sneak a couple bottles of it in your bag. I recently discovered Koreans don't do this, and were flabbergasted at the notion of me or my friends doing it. It had never crossed her mind to do such a thing. Leave it to us foreigners to wreck shop on etiquette. I was kind of shocked to hear this; Koreans are always looking for an excuse to drink. My kind of people.

Whatever you do in SoKo, there's bound to be drinking. An easy way to describe any activity here is "drinking with __________." In this case, a brief definition of noraebang is "drinking with microphones". For 15,000 Korean Won an hour ($12USD/hr), you can sing off-key with your friends and/or co-workers, and be plastered enough not to care.

In South Korea, and in any Koreatown in the world, you are bound to find a bevy of noraebangs on every street. In Seoul & Anyang, the number of noraebangs in any given 500-foot radius easily outnumber your fingers and toes. For example, I've circled in yellow the noraebangs on my old street:



Many have themed interiors, whether it's to look like a medieval castle or a spaceship. My favorite has an entrance shaped like the mouth of a demon.

As a living testament to what it's like inside a noraebang, here's a (really) rough excerpt from a recent noraebang excursion. Bear in mind this is after 5 bottles of soju, a bottle of wine and a handle of Jack.



It's highly addictive. You've been warned.

Cherries not included

At the start of every spring, Seoul goes completely apeshit for the annual Cherry Blossom Festival held in 여의도 (Yeouido), which is a little island floating in the Han River. They've thrown a bunch of skyscrapers (including the mega-shiny 63 Building) in the center of the island, and built a waterside park around the circumference. When it's not under construction, it really is beautiful.

Now last time I was in SoKo, I didn't get to experience the spring-ing of spring. I left before all this hullabaloo. Now I understand why they love these trees so much. Apparently, they're completely barren for most of the year. Then all at once, like they had an arborial meeting about it, they blossom like CRAZY, and the whole city is white and pink. As one Korean man told me at the festival, "THIS IS FANTAZY WORLD!", and I have to agree. Another thing I learned is that after about two weeks, all the petals fall within a couple days, shroud the streets and sidewalks with good-smelling whiteness, then it goes back to being plain ol' green.

It really is a gorgeous break from this concrete jungle. Seoul has parks, of course, but for the most part it's people on top of apartment buildings on top of people on top of noraebangs.

I was never one for flowers; they were always good at letting girls know they're special, but I didn't care for them myself. I always thought they just smelled like vegetables. But once the cherry blossoms disappear after this weekend, I just might miss 'em a little.

I'M PAID, SON!

I got my first paycheck today in cash. 2,700,000 Korean Won, and the largest denomination is a 10,000 bill. this means FAT STAX. I'm a millionaire (technically).

vom vom vom

One of my kids threw up on Friday. We were just wrapping up a birthday party, when she ran out of the gym with her hand to her mouth. I knew the face she was making. It was the "Oh shit, I'm not going to make it" face.

Of course when I catch up to her in the hallway, she has puke stains on her vest and pants, and there's a Pollock-esque work of liquid art on the floor. How this girl had this much partially-digested food inside her, I'll never know. No wonder it exploded out of her.

After giving her the attention she needed, I cleaned up the mess, no questions asked. Hands and knees with little wads of toilet paper. Normally, I have a very sensitive gag reflex. I actually make throw-uppy faces quite often, to the chagrin of a certain emetophobe I know. But on this day, I didn't gag once. I was more worried about the girl. Does this mean I love her like a parent? I mean, good moms and dads don't fret about stinky diapers and vomit; they love their kids so much they just wanna take care of 'em. It's a weird feeling. If Korea changes my mind about not having kids, I'll be very upset. I had a great spontaneous and self-centered life planned out, and my little girl or boy is gonna throw a wrench in it. Well hmmph!

PS: This particular sample of vomit was no picnic. For breakfast the girl ate kimchi, and when she got to school, she drank two cartons of milk and ate a bunch of dried sardines (our school provides these as a morning snack). I can't think of a worse combination to taste or smell.

Went to the World Cup qualifying match between South Korea and North Korea The Democratic People's Republic of Korea. It was intense. "Intense" doesn't really describe it. If I'm confined to text-based emotions, I suppose I would use INTENSE!!!

I saw 김연아 (Kim Yeon Ah) at halftime. Currently, she's the national darling of SoKo; the world's best figure skater and Beijing gold medalist. I felt the entire stadium swoon.

South Korea won. It was rad. That is all.

Everyone knew this was much more than just a soccer game. World Cup fans are pumped enough, but played between sister nations, sociopolitically dissected at the 38th... you got yourself a fucking bloodbath.

Needless to say, we got drunk. At sporting events in Korea, you can bring snacks and beverages from home, and basically make a picnic out of it. Outside the stadium, old ladies have tables set up where they sell soju, beer and giant squid jerky (오징어... it tastes like it sounds). If you could buy little handles of vodka and whisky at a UT Football game or a Dallas Stars game, Texas would be a much sweeter place. That's just the way I see it.

Obligatory video montage: